101 Chuck Norris Jokes and Facts, Memes

Where Does Chuck Norris Live


Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.




While other children were playing in sand, Chuck was playing in concrete.




Why hasn't a video game been made about Chuck Norris? Simple: nobody controls Chuck Norris.




Chuck Norris can finish an entire bottle of milk in 5 seconds. Using a fork.




Chuck Norris makes fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.



Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.




Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.




When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris once single handedly killed 97 Afghan terrorists using his M-16 assault rifle. Then he flipped off the safety switch and shot 500 more of them.




There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.




Chuck Norris once fought superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.




The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.




Chuck Norris invented Chuck Norris jokes, but he never submitted any because Chuck Norris submits to no one.




Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.




Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.




Mistakes learn from Chuck Norris.



Chuck Norris can dial your phone number on the microwave.




Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.




Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.




When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.




Chuck Norris can speak braille.




Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".




Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.




Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.




Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.




Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.




Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."



Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.




If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.




Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.




Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.




Chuck Norris entered American Idol and won the X-Factor.




Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris Jokes

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.




The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.




Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.




Chuck Norris can drown a fish.




The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.




Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.




Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.




Chuck Norris can divide by roundhouse kick.




Chuck Norris once robbed himself and doubled his profit.




Chuck Norris can literally throw a party.

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